Thursday, July 8, 2021
Strap in boys, I am going for the most epic Country Club Dude recap ever. EVER! By the time I am done with this one I hope you have all of the material you need for your beach reading this summer. I love beach reads BTW my favorite is Elin Hilderbrand she writes about Nantucket I love that stuff. Bring it! Here we go! Onto the action...
Well, friends, my week could not have been better other than a minor hiccup at about 12:30 on Thursday but that is in our past and things really started to heat up first thing Thursday morning. Dropped my kids off at camp and headed up to the range for some chipping action. Once again I just love the power of the universe. Just as I was getting going, one of my favorite freaking dudes on the planet, CADDIE #1 was coming up 9, and he wasn’t hauling bags around. Turns out, he and the best man from his wedding, none other than CADDIE #2 himself were supposed to loop for some Golf Digest guys that morning. They bailed. Lame! Why would you ever in your right mind bail on a round of G up at The Club? Crazy! That is downright insanity. Kind of like perpendicular parking.
Anyways, CADDIE #1 and his best bud were playing 18 together. I have often said stop talking about what great leadership looks like and show me. Well, my brothers, great leadership looks like Head Pro looking at CADDIE #1 and CADDIE #2 and saying hey, sorry about the lost loop, why don’t you guys go have some fun at The Club. CADDIE #1 was as happy as could be. I didn’t talk to CADDIE #2. He was too busy looking for his ball in a bush. I wonder if he looks that hard when one of us dopes knocks one in there? What an absolutely SICK way to get my weekend started (yes my weekends in the summer start on Thursdays), seeing my man CADDIE #1 playing The Club with his best friend. Freaking amazing. Warms the heart. Great job Head Pro but hey, let’s talk to these Golf Digest guys about getting their priorities straight. If you need some muscle I’m your guy.
I love the side hustle and cannot stop working so I have my hand in a multitude of business ventures but I am always seeking out new and creative ways to make some coin or get free stuff. I have discovered the greatest one of all time, MARKER for dudes trying to qualify for and get their seedings in the three-day member-guest. Since I am a new member and won’t be playing in that one for another 6-12 years I will take what I can get. Hey, this year, could I be an onsite reporter so I am able to recap all of the action? Irish and I could drive around in a cart for three days and have some hydration and watch all the action. That would be unbelievable. Just a thought.
Tuesday night I was a marker for W14 and my new buddy BUGSY! Thank you SO MUCH to W14 for all of the hydration and the laughs out on the course. So freaking fun. CADDIE #3 was on the bags, or I should say the cart. Sick green reading by Cobra Kai! (W14 would be well served to start listening to the guy.) That is correct! CADDIE #3 has a new nickname. Have you seen the guy's new dew? Head Pro walked past him as we were getting ready to tee off and without pause or hesitation and without slowing his gait Head Pro walks by and says “it looks like you have a Cobra on your head and it is ready to strike.” EPIC! I’ll tell you what, I wouldn’t want to scrap with CADDIE #3. He may look tiny but man I bet he can strike hard strike fast no mercy!
Back to my side hustle…
On Wednesday, my man O128 asked me to be a MARKER on Friday. Amazing! Prior to the round, I had met the dude once at the Member / Member. O128, upon learning that Big A and I were related, sent me a nice message. Love that kind of stuff. Good action. I told O128 that when we played golf together I would tell him the Big A story from the 14th on Christmas day two years ago. Many of you have heard this. I don’t think I have written about it. So if I have, I don’t care. You are going to have to hear it again but it really is a great story.
Playing with brothers I17 and S157 and I am in shorts and it is 50 degrees and we are so fired up to be playing golf on Christmas day in New England at The Club!
We tee off. I am to the left of the far right bunker. Pond in front of 14 is almost completely frozen over. One tiny patch that is water. TINY! I say OK baby I am going to get crafty here and smash a 3 wood and watch it bounce off the ice up onto the green. I hit a good shot, at least I thought it was given the plan and hole in one in the drink! I start walking to closest point and I17 says screw that dude, drop by the Big A plaque. Because I always do what I17 says I go into my bag and grab my ceremonial Big A ball from the annual memorial BIG A golf tournament that I keep in my bag for good luck. I place my tasty hydration to the side of the plaque, give a tiny pour for Big A, place my ball next to the plaque, give the plaque a tiny little tap with my club, and choke down on the same 3 wood. Looks pretty good. On the green but probably off the back.
We all walk up to the green and see a ball mark two feet in front of the pin (back center of the green) and no ball off the back and the ball was coming in pretty hot. S157 encourages me to look in the hole. Because I always do what S157 says I go look in the hole. I peek in over the edge, nothing in the back, peek a tad bit more, and there it is, bottom of the cup BIG A staring back at me. Birdie! To say we went nuts would be the understatement of the century. I almost broke I17 in half when I gave him a Big A bear hug. S157 was a bit thicker in those days (he lost 50 pounds this winter) and we essentially began a tackling circuit on the perimeter of the green (not to worry we were in the rough not on our sacred greens we know better). All three of us were crying. Come on! How does that happen?
As you are all aware, I tend to analyze some stuff a bit too much. Believe it or not, I have a hole in one. I was playing with my uncle early one morning after attending a Springstein concert the night before. It was epic! Pouring rain out at the old Giants Stadium and Bruce played for 4 hours. Got home at 2 and had a 7 tee time an hour away. We were on the third tee, 167 yards, 8 iron couldn’t see a thing because the sun was in our eyes and the guys on the fourth tee box go nuts. My uncle sends a family email and within one second Big A responds, “how come it is always the S***** golfers who get hole in ones!!!?” Classic, CLASSIC Big A. I love it!
I like to think Big A was up above watching I17 and S157 and me playing and saw me pull my 3 wood to pull off that crafty shot and said to himself and the universe you know what little CUZ? There is no way I am ever letting my legend die. I am putting you in the drink. But you know what little CUZ? I am going to give you that birdie so my albatross and legend DO continue on.
Big A, thank you for giving us that moment and a great story to tell. Not to worry my man, your legend will never be diminished.
Hey, remember O128? A text exchange he and I had last week in preparation for our epic day on Friday got me thinking. When it comes to golf, guys are priceless! Check this out:
O128: G14, so pumped for Friday.
My partner is a ~5, scratch personality.
We will have a blast. So pumped to get
down to The Club for some great action.
G14: O128, appreciate you asking me
to play and cannot wait to tell you the
epic Big A story from 14 on Christmas
day a few years ago.
O128: Me too! Cannot wait to hear
hat one.
G14: Hey, you probably don’t know
this but traffic down here has been
absolutely out of control. It just took
me an hour and a half to get from
New Haven to The Club. 95
is a disaster. Not sure where
you are leaving from but allow
extra time and definitely use
Waze and DON’T turn it off
there are some good back roads
that can help you get to the club.
O128: Thank you so much for
telling me. I am leaving from
Old Lyme so will have a shorter
drive than Boston and will be
sure to keep Waze on the whole
time. But definitely going to give
myself a ton of time to get there
and my partner lives in Greenwich
so no worries we will be there to play.
Amazingly, it keeps going. I won’t bore you. For context and to make my point, here is a text from my beautiful wife on Monday morning that I received while bringing our kids to their first day of summer camp.
Wife: Thank you for bringing the
kiddos. Please be sure to take a
bunch of pictures because it is
the first day of camp and let me know
how drop off goes. Thank you.
Love you.
G14: all good
When it comes to golf, us dudes take things seriously. We are nuts.
Sorry, back to the action…
We get to two (after I miss a tap in birdie) and O128, his partner, S89 and I hear an unbelievable commotion coming from the pond off to the left. It took us a few moments to figure out what the heck was going on but right beneath our eyes, we witnessed two massive snapping turtles mating. We initially thought they were fighting one another but ultimately made the decision that they were procreating. It was amazing. Not in a weird voyeuristic way more like watching Wild America when I was a kid except in real life and not on television. I was about to whip out my phone and get my Marty Stouffer on but thought better of it as I didn’t want to offend or “confuse” anyone in my recap this week. But next time O128 is in town or you see S89 or me up at The Club we are happy to give you the play by play. It really was cool to see.
Hey, speaking of snappers, check out this one C115 sent me a few weeks ago. These things are incredible.
I cannot believe how close C115 got to that bad boy. Those things could bite your leg off. The guys who go in ponds in scuba suits to collect golf balls are crazy.
Sorry I keep getting distracted thinking about other stuff. Every time I write I think about more stuff to write about. Back to the action…
C89 did something on 5 that I have never seen C89 do on any drive, he duffed it. In his defense, there was a sudden sinkhole because of all the rain and his right foot went down about five inches as he was about to make contact with the ball. CADDIE #4 and CADDIE #5 were all the way up under the trees. Rather than have them come back O128 gave S89 his 3 wood. Complete and total annihilation. Amazing shot goes on to make par.
O128 and his partner were struggling and S89 and I were playing well. O128 suggested on the 7 tee box that we get a match going to try to get their games going. Uh, SURE! As I write this I do feel like I just got hustled BIG TIME! I think when O128 realized they weren’t going to make the three day he may as well make some coin. S89 and I lost the match, the press, and the press on the press. I never even knew there was a press on the press. I don’t know about these things. As S89 so nicely pointed out, on multiple occasions, “good thing you aren’t a Math teacher.” S89, you have a good point, my man. I once asked Head Pro #2 the difference between Gross and Net. He laughed, thought I was making a joke. Then I said no, seriously, what’s the difference? He explained it to me in a kind manner and didn’t make me feel like an idiot. He is a patient man. I wonder if he crushed me behind my back? I kind of hope so. I deserved it.
Aside from getting hustled by O128 and his partner when I did him the favor of being a marker, doesn’t that sound like a sweet time up at The Club? Guess what my brothers? I have more to add to this sweet, sweet day.
When I dropped my kids at camp that morning I had already decided I wasn’t doing any work and I was going to chill up at The Club in anticipation of our 12:30 tee time. Hit the short game range for an hour long cross country chipping sesh and then went to the car to grab my sweet club bag to head up to the locker room. I love, LOVE that club bag with the big club logo on it. I feel so cool when I tote that around.
Once again I just love the power of the universe. It is so, so sweet. I run into F11 or rather F11 runs into me and he says what are you doing right now and I say I am headed up to the locker room to chill and F11 says no you are not you are coming to play golf for 9 while we wait for B52 to get here. Because I always do what F11 says and seeing as it was just after 10:00 I had plenty of time to make the 12:30 tee time and said UH, OK! F11 went up to the terrace to get some hydration and nicely offered to get me some but I declined. It is nice sometimes to be able to prove to yourself that you have the ability for some self control. Felt good actually. Proud of myself.
Played with birthday boy B172 and R144. Freaking love these guys. We had an absolute blast. BLAST! Highlight: on 7 F11 and R144 have 50+ foot downhill putts for birdie. Different lines. F11 goes first and drains it. DRAINS it! Well, friends, the green erupted. Between F11, CADDIE #6, and me that earthquake thing that measures the scale may have picked something up. That’s like 800 LBS of beef right there. We went crazy. As we should have. Then R144 steps up but sorry I don’t have a Hollywood ending. It almost was. Lip out. Too bad but such a great roll. It was sick. SICK!
We get to 8 and like two prizefighters R144 and F11 go after one another. BIG TIME! Pin was back left. CADDIE #6, in his infinite caddie wisdom, tells us that we could go for the stick today because the green was soft as it was raining but if it wasn’t we would have to go for the center of the green if we hoped to hold it. Thanks, CADDIE #6! LOVE YOU BROTHER!
F11 steps up and launches a laser. Could be in can’t tell. R144 steps up, laser, could be in can’t tell. Then the rain really came. For those of you who were up at The Club, you know what I am talking about. The raindrops were the size of golf balls. The green was a river by the time we got up to it. R144 was 4 feet and F11 was 8 feet. SICK shots. Then we had to go in.
Met up with 0128 and his partner and S89 and headed up to the patio to wait out the rain. Once again, without asking, Bartender #1 had some hydration in my hands but it is after 12:00 so my self-control meter goes into off mode.
Holy cow where are we. Oh yeah, that was in reverse order. Bummer about the weather Saturday. Good call on postponing the 4th of July action. The weather didn’t stop me from heading up to The Club for my usual weekend range sesh. Ran into some of the brothers on the range. Officially shook hands with B56 and M13. Man alive every time I turn a corner at The Club I am meeting more freaking awesome dudes. I really believe we are getting close to having only one A** H***.
Hey, you know what? I have an idea. I mentioned a while back I am a newly elected member of the membership committee. I am loving the new found power I have and it really has done wonders for my confidence and ego. Do you think we could do some kind of reapplication process? It would be kind of like a review at your job or evaluation type thing. Members could nominate other members for review without their knowing it and have a super, super exclusive committee who secretly evaluates the dude to see if he should still be a member. That would be so freaking awesome. You know what else would be fun? Coming up with some kind of list or something like that that are requirements for being a member and, conversely, things we would look for that makes somebody automatically disqualified from the club. I am happy to put that list together if you would like. But send your suggestions, please! Here are a few of my initial thoughts...
Requirements for membership:
Good dude. Certainly, that is different based on who you talk to but I think we all have a general sense of what a good dude consists of.
Requirements for expulsion:
Takes himself too seriously.
Perpendicular parking.
Complaining about posting an image of perpendicular parking in an unidentifiable car that was unidentifiable because the image was doctored so as to really make it unidentifiable even though there are 50 of them at any given time in the lot.
OK, that’s all I have but in my humble opinion all we need. With that said, I would love some community engagement on this one. Sadly, at this point, I feel it necessary to say that I am just kidding. This is a joke. We live in America. Everyone is entitled to have an opinion and express it. I truly believe that. Sometimes we disagree. We can always work it out. But let’s chat about that reapplication thing.
As I was trying to figure out how to hit a ball out of the bunker on the chipping green my two new best friends B56 and M13 were getting some work done. B56 was teaching M13 how to hit a 7 iron out of the sand. Don’t worry, I watched these guys like a hawk. Mainly because I wanted to learn what the heck was going on but I was also anticipating a smashed windshield. If you were parked up top Saturday morning between 9 and 10 and you suddenly recognized that your sweet car has a dent in it the size of a golf ball, it wasn’t from them. It wasn’t from me, either, but I sure did come close a few times. Thankfully I was the only one up there to be witness. Double thankfully no one else was up there and got hit by me.
OK moving onto Sunday. I still cannot believe Sunday and Monday existed the way they did. Kind of a good thing we had a bit of a buffer on Saturday because we had the most epic time of all time. ALL TIME! Holy cow where do I start? My beautiful wife dropped me at the club at 10:30 for my 1:00 tee time so I could get my body ready and get my game face on. I was feeling a ton of pressure. A TON! I have no idea how this darn INDEX thing works. I blasted a couple good rounds earlier in the spring when the greens were easier than they are now and I can barely break 80 most of the time and my number hasn’t changed. The scramble had me as the “A” player. Boys, I am not an “A” player. But, had to show up for the brothers. We were a party of 5 and then suddenly became a party of four. There was another group that was a party of 5 and became, somehow, a party of 6 so even though S89 thinks my math stinks (it does) that team got something like 70 extra chances. Guess what? I don’t care. I had too much freaking fun. WE ALL DID! And hey, truth be told, our group had a slight, ever so slight advantage given that we were missing one of the brothers. I will get to that in a sec but it will become obvious momentarily.
I was teamed up with The Prez L17, P49, Born on the 4th of July birthday boy B52, and remember that power of the universe deal? Get ready for this, freaking CADDIE #1 and CADDIE #2 on the bags!!!! How is this even possible? How am I possibly living this life? This is outrageous.
CADDIE #1 and CADDIE #2 became our 5th players. They alternated shots. So cool. It was Prez’s idea. When I first saw The Prez in my group I got nervous, really nervous. I thought he was going to give me a talking to about the weekly recap and I was in trouble. Turns out, yet again, I am completely and totally paranoid.
Hey guys, let’s try to be more mindful of what goes on out on the golf course. Prez is out there trying to have a great time (and we did have a great time) and there are guys ordering freaking cheeseburgers on the 6th hole and John follows the rules with the cheeseburger airstrike (are those allowed?) and the guy walks 200 yards for the delivery because no carts are allowed and someone, who shall remain nameless, is driving a cart up 6. What’s that about? Prez has to deal with all of that while he is playing golf? Not cool. OK sorry back to the action…
We had an absolute blast on the front even though we made the turn even. Bad, bad bogey on 7 and then P49 has the best mishit of all time on his 3rd on the 9th and we still cannot figure out how the ball was not at the bottom of the cup and conversely, how the ball even made it to the cup. Sick shot P49!
We got things going on the back. Had 6 birdies in a row man we had it going. So much fun my hand still hurts from all of the high fives and my voice is a little raspy this morning from all of the cheering. I mean that simply could not have been any more fun than it was. There were so many fun shots to watch out there. By FAR the best was CADDIE #2 on 14. The four of us dopes went first all four of us missing the relatively easy downhill putt for birdie. CADDIE #2 makes his reads, steps up, and immediately upon making contact with the ball he says “darn it pushed it” and the ball goes in. Next time you have CADDIE #2 read a putt for you take a second look yourself.
HUGE thanks to N103 (was he paid a commission on this one?) for putting it together. Let’s make it bigger next year. A lot of the guys I spoke to following the event loved, LOVED the scrambles action. We all get to play so much at The Club the consensus seems to be that the boys would love to see some more scrambles action. I agree. Incredible fun, I mean INSANE fun like you almost think you are doing something illegal and the camaraderie amongst the boys is simply outrageous.
Hey, speaking of illegal, you guys really should lock your cars at the club. There was some chatter that it is no longer illegal to steal cars in the great state of CT anymore so some of the boys are considering some alternative ways to get home in the future.
If you were not at the fireworks, do whatever you can to make it there next year. My wife and I brought guests the first year we were members mainly because we didn’t really know anyone and didn’t want to look like losers but I thought it was really nice this year with no guests. Got to chill and every time I turned the corner I saw someone fun to chat with. Saw my two favorite felines Big Cat and The Panther. Miss those guys. Been a while. EPIC time!
That’s where it all should have ended and I hope you boys are still following as there will be a plot based quiz in class next week on the material.
I woke up Monday, had a killer workout, took the dog to the park, did some writing, and then took the kids to camp and went off on one of my side hustles (not marking). When I was done with the hustle I get some live intel from the course. WHAT!!????
Hold on. GOLF!!!! What? It’s Monday. The course is closed on Mondays. I was in work mode. So freaking pumped. My weekend isn’t over. I get in my car and drive frantically back to the “office” as I wanted to get some more material for my new beach read. Well, friends, once again The Club is a material making mecca.
This power of the universe thing is really working in my favor right now. I reversed my normal range sesh action and went to the big putting green. Once again I was amazed by my self control and did not have any hydration. Then it happened. I go down to the green to work on the putting and out of nowhere comes K72 and B201 with CADDIE #2 on the bags. They both say what are you doing right now and I say UH just practicing and they say no you are coming to play golf with us. Because I always do what K72 and B201 say I said, UH, OK, GAME ON here we go! K72 very nicely asked if I wanted some hydration to which I happily accepted even though a mere two minutes earlier I declined. Went with my favorite, The Transfusion. Hey, check out K72’s driver cover (you should see that dude hit the golf ball he is like 150 LBS and hits the ball a freaking mile).
Cool headcover. However, I don’t know who came up with that recipe but that would never fly up at The Club. 2 OZ of Vitamin V is practically nothing. That would be like drinking one of those “whimpy” seltzers that D6 loves.
Had a blast, absolute freaking blast with these boys. We get to 10 green and K72 says to CADDIE #2 about his line “same as earlier?” HUH? You guys already played 18? Yes, sir! The boys kept going. 36! Epic! We get to 13 and I put my tee ball in the right bunker. Buried. CADDIE #2 walks by and I say how the heck would you play this one? And in a Head Pro like moment without any kind of hesitation says “call D6 and have him come out and hit it for you.” Thanks, CADDIE #2! I guess when you are not the one paying for the loop golfing advice isn’t free. CADDIE #2, that was a great one! Thank you.
Great time! Had a late lunch with the boys and my wife and kids. My wife says to me I am taking the kids home so go have fun and I am off. 18 more in a cart.
Well, friends, that’s all I have. I hope you have enjoyed this and I certainly hope I haven’t offended or confused any of you.
I’ll tell you what, though, if you guys stop sending me material (my phone was blowing up Monday and Tuesday with intel) I am going to completely fictionalize something having to do with The Club and send it out to this crew. Thank you for the rallying cries this week. Meant a lot and got me fired up.
Live to fight another day!
And boys, ONLY, ONLY up at The Club