Thursday, August 19, 2021
Mid to late August is a notoriously quiet time up at The Club. Many of the members are off visiting one of their multiple homes and probably playing one of the other (of many) sweet golf clubs they belong to but only visit once or twice a year. It really is all about having the best bag tags.
It occurred to me that you guys don’t know that much about me. And while a complete biographical sketch won’t take place in this edition, I thought I would give you a tad bit of insight this week given the slow action up at The Club.
Some of you may recall in one of my earlier recaps that the boys up at The Club call me “Captain.” This is my favorite moniker that has ever been applied to me. And has done wonders for my ego. It certainly is better than that time in high school when the boys and I were playing Lakeland in lacrosse and I was running up the sideline with my sweet D pole and as I was passing my team some dope from the stands screamed “hey, that guy looks like a F****** stork.” My team erupted in laughter. Sadly, that one stuck. Moving on…
This past winter I was asked to be the captain of the Thursday night men’s Paddle Tennis team. On a drive up to The Club for one of our matches, I was pondering why I was asked to be captain. Because I was a new member and because I try to have a positive outlook on everything (that whole growth mindset thing) I convinced myself it was because of my overwhelmingly spectacular paddle skills. I have a complete game. Overpowering serve. Head Paddle Pro is jealous of the speed I generate on my drives. D72 is envious of my spin. H19 has never seen such soft hands at the net. Others have commented on my ridiculous gets in the corners. YouTube-worthy type stuff. So yes. I was feeling good about myself. Actually quite impressed with myself. But seriously, you should check out my YouTube channel. Just search “G107 is a Beast!”
After the match and on my drive home I had the chance to yet again reflect on why I was asked to be the captain of this team. It occurred to me that when Head Paddle Pro asked me to be the captain I allowed emotion to get in the way and said “yes” enthusiastically. It then occurred to me that when I became a member I was put in touch with D72.
When I emailed him introducing myself in the most polite and respectful way, telling him about my family and how thrilled we were to be members, “dream come true” type stuff, he responded with, “have you ever even played paddle before?” That was it. No “hey great to hear from you; thank you for wanting to play; really looking forward to meeting you and your beautiful family; welcome to the club.” It was simply, “have you ever played paddle before?” I followed my own advice and remained calm and did not blast off some email based on emotion. However, I did think to myself, “if this guy is such a hotshot in paddle how is it that he has never heard of me? My YouTube channel has over 3,000,000 hits, this guy must be a joke.” Yet, my faith was restored a mere 3 minutes later when I saw his name hit my inbox. “Ah, he googled me and saw what I can do.” Then D72 graciously welcomed me to the team.
In my first match as captain, I had to scramble an hour before the match to find two new guys to play as I got texts saying (during a global pandemic) they all of a sudden had client dinners come up. Really? Where? Nothing is open. Keep lying to yourselves.
When it is 7:12 and no one from the other team had arrived W18 asked me with a s***-eating grin if the match was in fact at The Club? I freak. Then it occurs to me that no one is in the clubhouse to let the men from the other team in through the gate and I drive frantically to the gate and let 8 cars in and as they are coming in I roll down my window to apologize and the first guy that drives by says “F U.”
We went on to lose 3 out of 4 matches.
On the drive home after my first match as The Captain, I analyzed some more, especially Head Paddle Pro asking me to be the captain, and have now concluded - through my brilliant analytical skills - I wasn’t asked because of my prowess on the court, but rather because no one else in their right mind would want to be captain of the Thursday night men's team. The real name should be Paddle Team email B****!
Possibly some more character sketch action in the next edition. Until then…
Only up at The Club!