The Country Club Dude Golf Season Recap #2
Thursday, July 1, 2021
How is it July already? What the heck!
So freaking pumped for this weekend and a significant semblance of normalcy returning to our lives. July 4th up at The Club. Game on!
It was an epic, EPIC week up at the greatest club on the planet. As such, I am going to have to elevate my game here. Raise the freaking bar and set the tone as we get ready for celebrating the one and only U.S. of A!!!!!
While The Club will always be my favorite place in the world you may recall the last time we spoke I mentioned it is widely known, fact actually, that every club has an A** H***. Sadly, this was on display, again, this week.
Given my exceptional analytical skills, I could spend 10,000 words on that one regarding the complete and total decline of man. But you know what? I won’t. I would love for some of you to provide your analysis of this. I mean come on! There is a comment section down at the bottom. GO FOR IT! When did parallel parking become perpendicular parking? This is outrageous. I would, however, like to provide a few thoughts on this.
I once had a boss who always parked in the handicap spot or in a location that was not a parking spot (like the image above) but provided the easiest of access to his destination because he and his time were far more important than everyone else on the planet. He was not handicapped in a physical capacity. His outrageously lazy attitude and lack of moral character were on full display every day. Based on that alone, I cannot believe he still has a job. I wonder if the owner of the vehicle above should still be a member?
My second job out of college was selling wine in California. My territory was Sausalito to Sonoma. SICK! I was on the road every day. Departed the corner of Haight and Divisadero at 4:00 in the morning, would drive over the Golden Gate Bridge and go crush sales quotas. My day ended at 2:00. So fun. Ernest Gallo himself taught me that I should always park in the furthest spot away from the account I was selling in. That guy was a beast! BEAST! I really did meet him. We spent a full day driving around together to my accounts selling wine. That lesson has always stuck.
That job in California reminds me of the crazy stuff we do in order to play the “g” word. It is as if us dudes lose all sense of what would be considered normal societal behavior.
A buddy asked me to play golf at Harding Park. Keep in mind, this was in 1999. I leave my sales territory a tad bit early to make the tee time. This was before everyone had a cell phone so multiple times a day when I would reach my accounts I would call this phone service the company had to check my messages. Of course, there was one from my boss. Not free yet. I call him and when he asks me what account I am in like a complete and total idiot I say I am at Safeway 41 which is over the Golden Gate Bridge in Petaluma. Right as I am declaring my location the starter at Harding Park comes on the intercom and announces the names (mine included) for the 1:15 tee time. Busted! He was cool about it. He was a golfer so obviously, he understands the absurdity of us golf guys.
As I am writing this in my sweet lounge chair at The Club (the powers that be finally caved and now allow technology), I just heard a whopper. I love the power of the universe. This one encapsulates the same thematic nature of my dopey move with my boss. Although this brother attempted something exceptionally more brazen than the one I tried to pull off. Get this, he tried to execute this one on his wife. Strap in boys here we go…
As it turns out, this guy - who shall remain nameless but he is ALL of us so you will be able to relate - commutes into NYC every day, an hour and a half each way. Wowzer! It was a hot summer day and his wife and three kids (6, 4, and 1) with one on the way couldn’t take the heat so she completely and totally unexpectedly ventured out to The Club all on her own to seek some refuge at the pool. That is no easy task.
Unfortunately, for our guy, he took the day off from work (without telling his wife) to go play a 36 hole big money match with the boys up at The Club. Our man got the shivers when he checked his phone before teeing off on the second 18 of the match after a two hour extended lunch with many, many beverages. In a panic, he responded that he would meet them after work for a quick dip and dinner at the snack bar.
Now in a time crunch to finish the match, and looking over his shoulder in a paranoid state like a guy who left his pregnant wife at home on a super hot day with three incredibly challenging kids when he was pretending to be at work, proceeded to completely implode and got annihilated in the match.
At the conclusion of the round, our guy raced to the locker room to put on the jacket and tie he was wearing when he left the house that morning to head to the “office” and walked down to the pool with his bathing suit in hand.
Upon reaching his distraught wife who could not take another moment with their kids she asked him (in the way a pregnant wife who was suffering through a brutally hot day and had a suspicion that morning so she checked the digital tee sheet FORETEES and saw her husband’s name on there not once, but twice, would), “How was golf?”
This is when we are all given more proof about how dumb we become when we fantasize about playing golf with the boys. Our guy responds, “sweety, I was at the office all day.” Oh baby, didn’t see that FORETEES angle coming.
When it comes to angles, we all play them. Some of the angles we play are more shameful than others. The greatest game that has ever been played really does resemble life in more ways than we can possibly imagine. Sometimes we get far too selfish and just have to get out there and play. Really cannot blame our guy, we have all been there, but he handled it horribly.
Back to the Rover guy…
If the person who owns that Range Rover is reading this recap, get your life straight. What our guy above did is excusable to us dudes who love golf and hanging with the boys… This parking job, however, is not. And while this is not as bad as parking in a handicapped spot this is really pathetic. In fact, you know what? This is similar to what I experience pretty much every time I go to the chipping green. I will say, I do love clearing the green. Gets me in the zone as I get ready to drain some shots. The boys up there are working hard for us and if there is anything we can do to make things a bit easier on them we should do it. What is the freaking deal with people chipping 100 balls in three minutes onto an already packed with balls green and then walking away leaving someone else to clean up after them? I will tell you what, boys, have some freaking pride. Always, always leave a place better than you found it.
As is the case with all of my visits to The Club, today proved to be an exceptional educational experience. I hope these thoughts have been for you as well and just like my advice in the previous recap regarding planning a family day, I sincerely hope this gives you all some insights into how to most effectively plan your next sesh with the boys at The Club. Boys, you always, ALWAYS have to anticipate the unexpected if you want to pull this stuff off and win in life.
Here to help any time if you need some guidance.
Only up at The Club